What's Bothering Me Now: Watermelon, Hot Dogs, and Bananas

These are my three least favorite foods.

This summer, I have had a lot of experience around these vile foods. And as I cannot keep my distaste for these three items a secret, they have been used as weapons against my well-being. Luckily, hot dogs are gross to a lot of people so I'm not really venting about them. So I decided to break down why I don't like all three of these unnecessary foods.

1. Watermelon
First off, this is the worst to watch someone eat. You see, to me, the red part of the melon, the fruit, resembles the muscle on those skeletons in doctor's offices and almost every anatomy classroom. The ones that show the muscles of the human body. SO, when I see people taking a bite off of that triangular wedge it strongly screams of cannibalism. AND then to top it off, the juice runs down your fingers and drips on everything and that's just unnecessary. Now I'm not a hater only because of the relationship to eating a fellow human. The taste and texture and messy nature are three major strikes against the fruit. The taste, if you could call it that, is like drinking bubble gum flavored Crystal Lite that was watered down to feed the masses. Like there was enough flavor to make fruit for five but someone had dreams of grandeur and wanted to over compensate for something and made the thing large enough to feed an army of too-hungry-to-notice-the-lack-of-flavor peasants. Texture wise, it just feels off. Let's face it, if watermelon weren't a food, you'd use it to hold your needles. And the messy thing, well I really just don't like food dripping on me so that's all there is there.

2.Hot Dogs
Hot dogs are just awful. They look bad, they taste worse. Who knows what it is? that shiny exterior is sketchy. Apples are shiny too, but they occur that way in nature. The odor stimulates nothing but anger and the need to punch someone. They're just wrong. I don't know who created the hot dog, but when I finish my time machine, I plan to take a pack of hot dogs and force them down the inventor's throat and once they vomit up their claim to fame, I'm going to kick them in the face and request that they rethink the hot dog idea. I'll also suggest channeling that energy towards something like cancer cures or ridding the world of watermelon and bananas.

3. Bananas
These are the worst of the three. They have the whole taste and smell thing that makes me want to cry (life goal: stop saying that everything that irks me makes me want to cry). First, I'll analyze the taste. It's been a while (8th grade) since I had a banana. But if I recall that horrid morning on that Mission Trip in Alabama, it was awful. The taste is almost salty but wayyyyy too sweet. This tricky little piece of dump confuses your mouth. Let's now discuss the smell. I think it smells sour. That smell triggers my gag reflex. Bananas, the ultimate trickster, look pretty in regards to ripened yellow. But don't let that sunshine exterior fool you. They start off green and go to the lovely shade of yellow and then go brown. Most other fruits maintain one color until it's time to move on when the color goes to the bright light and the brownness takes over saying "we're finished." But not bananas. When they start going brown, we're still expected to eat these tubes of nastiness. They attract you in their youth with their smooth peels and bright yellow color, and then you open it. The shock should put us all in the hospital. Let's be real for a second, if you came across this crescent shaped minion just laying on the ground in some forest you'd avoid it at all cost. Your first thought isn't "let's eat it." A banana is not appealing. I've got my hunches about those bunches. Oh banana phone, you cannot sway me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5C6X9vOEkU

So that's what's bothering me now.