What's Bothering Me Now: "Them"

What's Bothering Me Now? Them.

We all have heard of them. They get a lot of credit for a lot of things. Something grand happens, they did it. Something terrible happens, they are surely responsible. They say a lot of stuff too that is inspirational and wise. Here's the issue: WHO THE HECK ARE THEY???

Here are some examples of this frustrating concept:

"You know what they say,(insert inspirational cliche here)"
--1. I don't know what they say. Chances are that if I did in fact know what they said, the speaker would not be telling me because a. I would have already considered it or B. I don't care.
--2. Secondly, Who are they? If they are the Nazi party or Miley Cyrus, I'm not inclined to apply any of that nonsense to my life. But if it's someone like Solomon or God, I'm probably going to smile upon the cliche phrase and consider doodling it in my notes with a sunburst around it. Identifying the speaker is essential when your lack of creativity and wisdom is forcing you to quote others.

"They are (insert verbs)(direct/indirect object)"
--1. If this phrase is ever uttered, multiple people better be in the mix. That is what this phrase implies. For example, if someone tells me "they are pretty," I'm expecting at least 2 pretty people. If there is only one pretty person to whom you are referring, please indicate by using the less ambiguous "he" or "she" or actually using a name. It clarifies things.
--2. If multiple personalities are in question, by all means, use "they." I can prepare better for my interaction with "them" if I know ahead of time I might be meeting 6 different people embodied in one person. However, if "they" is used as the pronoun and one person shows up with only one personality, things could potentially be really awkward. You see, I will have assumed, because "they" was used and one person is in question, that multiple personalities exist and will therefore be quite uncomfortable in his or her presence.



I think all I'm asking for here is some reality/pronoun agreement. If you're trying to hide an identity by gender ambiguity, just say "this individual" or "someone." I will appreciate it thoroughly.

Now chances are, we are all going to slip up and refer to them again. Just think about this: do you want to be the one assumed to have multiple personalities? OR Do you want a whole bunch of people getting credit for what you've said?
AND when you're you are discussing how they fought the American Revolution, remember that chimpanzees can be given the pronoun "they" as well. Make sure it is super clear that the British and Americans are the subject.

Aerosmith's "I don't want to miss is a thing" is bothering me now too so I'm wrapping this up to change the song on my itunes.