SO, a few months ago, I trekked all the way to the Borders Bookstore on Alps Bridge Road, which with traffic is an ungodly 30 minute drive from my apartment in Athens. I was looking for some books for school and then I started looking around for books to read in the summer as I began to imagine the three weeks before camp when I could read whatever I wanted to. In an optimistic stupor, I bought Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre. This was of the Borders Classics collection so I thought, "Can't go wrong." OHHHH I was mistaken.
I started reading a little earlier this week and was bookin' through (pun intended). However, a few minutes ago, I encountered the worst situation I could think of! Dare I repeat it? I must. I made it all the way to page 408 and was forced to abruptly stop. Not by a telephone call, or a prior engagement, or a knock at the door, or the rants and requests of my mother, but because of the stupid book itself. The book thought I wanted to skip ahead to page 433. I mean who really cares about if Jane goes with St. John to India??? I was not really that interested. And the fact that page 433 starts with "Dead!" has nothing to do with my frustration, except that's the only thing that keeps me from freaking finishing the novel.
Now to kick me in the face after punching me in the stomach, the book goes from page 433 to 456 and then back to page 433 to repeat the whole last 25 pages of the book. So thankfully, I have the last 25 pages of the book twice which is really helpful because I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED FROM PAGE 408 TO PAGE 432.
EVEN BETTER, I leave on Saturday for my summer job at Camp Glisson. Unfortunately, you don't get a lot of reading time there so while I'm supposed to be packing tomorrow, I'll be sitting in the traffic of Barrett Parkway trying to get to the Borders by town center mall to exchange my copy of the book for a copy with pages 409-432. I also plan on finishing the book tomorrow so I might be going to camp with only the basics.
I've also been trying to figure out why Borders has allowed this tragic occurrence. I've worked out a few theories:
1) They want me to go insane wondering what happened and just buy a whole other book to finish my reading and have closure, so I won't wonder what could have been.
2) Barack Obama. This is my favorite theory. I haven't really developed it, but since all the teachers are getting fired on his watch and books and school go together, I figure there's a way to blame him.
3) The Oil Spill: I think that Borders ripped out pages of my book to send to the ocean to clog the leak. I realize I bought the book before the spill occurred and since this is a theory saying they're trying to fix it and ripped the pages out before the spill even happened, they probably started the spill so with this theory, we get to blame them for the oil spill and ruining the economy of the Gulf Coast...You're Welcome America. I figured it out.
4) The Trees have revolted. This final theory is that the trees that have been turned into paper have not lost their spirits. So the tree spirit has made the paper leak the spirit into the printing machine. This causes the printer to skip the 25 pages near the end of the book as a final act of revenge before completely dying out. This is their way of sticking it to the man...a strike of sorts.
Regardless of how this catastrophe has originated, I am upset, angry, frustrated, and EXTREMELY bothered.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
What's Bothering Me Now: Zoo Atlanta
Zoo Atlanta has an upcoming event called Brew at the Zoo. For info, check this out:
http://www.zooatlanta.org/home/article_content/brew
Here’s my synopsis:
Basically, on May 29th (Saturday) at Zoo Atlanta, there is an event which includes a wine tasting and a variety of beers for taste at a beer festival.
Why this is bothering me has nothing to do with alcohol, and this blog post is not a commentary on drinking. It is, however, a commentary on drinking at the zoo. I know the zoo could be slightly boring for those over the age 10 regardless of my continuous entertainment through the years. BUT, the really good news for all of you is that you don’t have to go anymore. You can stay home, or, if homebody is not for you, there are really awesome sporting events where drinking is accepted and even expected. Turner Field (also in Atlanta) is a fantastic idea with $1 seats and the same heat at the zoo minus the smell of animal. My philosophy is that if you have to drink to enjoy something, don’t go, do something else.
My next point is:
Is it really a good idea to have a bunch of drunks wondering around the habitats of various animals in the wild? I mean after a sample of each different alcohol at Brew at the Zoo, it would seem that maybe that many drunks near the gorilla habitat might be hazardous. Where’s that great judgment when it comes to judging whether or not hopping in with Kudzoo and Olympia (those were the gorillas born when I was a kid)?
Next:
Parents. Mom and Dad bring the kids for a fun day at the zoo and end up tipsy because they really don’t want to be at the zoo. Mom pushes the stroller right into the door frame of the reptile house so the baby is delighting everyone with her cries. Dad stumbles into another drunk man’s woman so drunk man #2 thinks Dad’s hitting on her and a brawl breaks out right in front of the anaconda’s cage. Zoo rent-a-cops come, arrest Dad and other drunk guy, drunk mom is still consoling crying child, and anaconda is probably still chillin’.
Finally:
Clean-up. It’s summer. It’s Atlanta, GA. It’s freaking hot. I’ve been told the heat is not desirable when intoxicated. Plus, there are thousands of animals all over the place. These animals stink. So we’ve got stench, heat, and alcohol. Fun times. Good luck to whatever custodians get the responsibility of cleaning the zoo after the alcohol consumed ends up all over the sidewalks and in the habitats. AND, it’s not exactly fair to make the kids there walk around nearly stepping in vomit. They’re young and innocent for now, let them stay that way Zoo Atlanta.
I get that times are tough financially speaking. But maybe instead of keeping up the annual tradition of Brew at the Zoo, train a monkey to do some awesome things that people would want to see. Start a rumor about the pandas potentially having a baby or being moved. There are endless options. I think if you want to drink out in the heat that you should buy a $1 ticket to a Braves game. Buy a beer and a Hebrew International hot dog and a Jason Heyward t-shirt. Don’t risk becoming tiger bon bons or arrest or watching a child walk through your vomit.
Shame on you Zoo Atlanta.
http://www.zooatlanta.org/home/article_content/brew
Here’s my synopsis:
Basically, on May 29th (Saturday) at Zoo Atlanta, there is an event which includes a wine tasting and a variety of beers for taste at a beer festival.
Why this is bothering me has nothing to do with alcohol, and this blog post is not a commentary on drinking. It is, however, a commentary on drinking at the zoo. I know the zoo could be slightly boring for those over the age 10 regardless of my continuous entertainment through the years. BUT, the really good news for all of you is that you don’t have to go anymore. You can stay home, or, if homebody is not for you, there are really awesome sporting events where drinking is accepted and even expected. Turner Field (also in Atlanta) is a fantastic idea with $1 seats and the same heat at the zoo minus the smell of animal. My philosophy is that if you have to drink to enjoy something, don’t go, do something else.
My next point is:
Is it really a good idea to have a bunch of drunks wondering around the habitats of various animals in the wild? I mean after a sample of each different alcohol at Brew at the Zoo, it would seem that maybe that many drunks near the gorilla habitat might be hazardous. Where’s that great judgment when it comes to judging whether or not hopping in with Kudzoo and Olympia (those were the gorillas born when I was a kid)?
Next:
Parents. Mom and Dad bring the kids for a fun day at the zoo and end up tipsy because they really don’t want to be at the zoo. Mom pushes the stroller right into the door frame of the reptile house so the baby is delighting everyone with her cries. Dad stumbles into another drunk man’s woman so drunk man #2 thinks Dad’s hitting on her and a brawl breaks out right in front of the anaconda’s cage. Zoo rent-a-cops come, arrest Dad and other drunk guy, drunk mom is still consoling crying child, and anaconda is probably still chillin’.
Finally:
Clean-up. It’s summer. It’s Atlanta, GA. It’s freaking hot. I’ve been told the heat is not desirable when intoxicated. Plus, there are thousands of animals all over the place. These animals stink. So we’ve got stench, heat, and alcohol. Fun times. Good luck to whatever custodians get the responsibility of cleaning the zoo after the alcohol consumed ends up all over the sidewalks and in the habitats. AND, it’s not exactly fair to make the kids there walk around nearly stepping in vomit. They’re young and innocent for now, let them stay that way Zoo Atlanta.
I get that times are tough financially speaking. But maybe instead of keeping up the annual tradition of Brew at the Zoo, train a monkey to do some awesome things that people would want to see. Start a rumor about the pandas potentially having a baby or being moved. There are endless options. I think if you want to drink out in the heat that you should buy a $1 ticket to a Braves game. Buy a beer and a Hebrew International hot dog and a Jason Heyward t-shirt. Don’t risk becoming tiger bon bons or arrest or watching a child walk through your vomit.
Shame on you Zoo Atlanta.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
What's Bothering Me Now: Miley Cyrus
Watch then read:
http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/miley_cyrus/index.html
and an interview explaining the video:
http://www.eonline.com/videos/v53100_miley-spills-on-sexy-new-video.html
Basically, Miley's message is "Don't be tamed" or rather GO WILD!!!! So there you have it America's youth. If you want to prove that you are grown up and wish to do the things you want to do, you should just be crazy and then your parents and society will see you for the mature being you were aiming for:
For those who don't know me, I can get a bit crazy
Have to get my way, 24 hours a day
'Cause I'm hot like that
Every guy everywhere just gives me mad attention
Like I'm under inspection, I always get the 10s
'Cause I'm built like that
[anyone else suffocating from Miley's ego,one stanza in???]
I go through guys like money flyin' out their hands
They try to change me but they realize they can't
And every tomorrow is a day I never planned
If you're gonna be my man, understand
[Nick Jonas, Liam Hemsworth, Justin Gaston (side note--> both Liam and Justin have lived with the Cyrus family...PRESH!!) and yet somehow she has still changed...Hannah Montana RIP]
[Chorus]
I can't be tamed, I can't be saved
I can't be blamed, I can't, can't
I can't be tamed, I can't be changed
I can't be saved, I can't be (can't be)
I can't be tamed
[Neither could Britney..."My life has been so over protected" and she turned out just fine...What Up K-Fed?]
If I see my reflectiona bout my intentions
I'll tell ya I'm not here to sell ya
Or tell ya to get to hell
I'm like a puzzle but all of my pieces are jagged
If you can understand this, we can make some magic
I'm on like that
[Miley Cyrus said "Hell"]
I wanna fly I wanna drive I wanna go
[go where? rehab? because you're making great time.]
Best Wishes Miley, we're all rooting for you and hope that the grown up life treats you well. The good news is that celebrities get great rehab facilities and there's always celebrity fit club when the fab life goes straight to your hips.
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